My Definition of a Hot Mess

In laymen’s terms: An EARLY 30’d Hot Mess is someone that spends her 20’s fucking like Samantha, deeply, actively, and desperately repressing Charlette, and acting like Miranda. If you don’t understand the reference you 1. Are not a woman 2. Are not a gay man or 3. Should not even be reading this.

We can be known as Thelma and Louise, or more appropriate for us, Freddy and Teddy; names we made up for each other out of a joke in high school. Before going anywhere our que for leaving would be, ‘Ready Teddy?’ To which the other would respond, ‘Ready Freddy.’ Which ironically is the same phrase that Dorothy Spornak and her boyfriend (played by Leslie Nielson) in The Golden Girls used as code for ‘we’re gonna have sex.’

Which leads into rule number 1 for being a Hot Mess. You must have a flock of gays. Having a gay by your side allows you to say, ‘Meh, I’m not as fucked up as that queen,’ and more importantly, gives you an expert to discuss BJ technique.

We are Class Clown and the Most Likely to Succeed girls of the class of ’96 who have spent a decade trying to get this right. Through failed relationships, one night stands, being considered the ‘bro’ rather than the ‘ho,’ sabotaging possible relationships, getting with the wrong men while letting the right ones slip away, becoming a professional bridesmaid, and sleeping with women because, meh, I had too much vodka and she said I was hot, we come to this; a blog. A blog that shares the conversations that the sarcastic Southern California blonde and the sassy New Yorker brunette have every time they meet. We own who we are, the mistakes we’ve made, the fact that we are ‘chick flick movie girls’ that hide behind a wall of what we think is strength and independence, and share the experiences of our Hot Mess life.

Welcome to our world…which, if you’re reading this, is probably to some degree your world. If not, whatever, let our pain allow you to be entertained.

Intro

What is a Hot Mess you ask? Well the first image that comes to mind might be that of a young drunken girl, clothes half falling off or skirt sliding up doing what she thinks is dancing to “Pour Some Sugar on Me” at your local bar! Oh, if only it were that simple. It’s true we may have fallen victim to this image a time or two in our twenties. Back when life was easy, because it was okay to sleep around versus the expectation to settle down. Now as we are in our EARLY thirties, we are expected to be more mature, to stop sleeping around and find a mate! I will say it’s not that we aren’t trying, it’s just that we tend to screw it up, some times on purpose and other times because; well we are just a Hot Mess.

A thirty-something Hot Mess has learned to keep her clothes on at the nightclub, but tends to remove them quickly everywhere else. She gets a man’s attention by being funny and sexy, not slutty and dumb. She loses a man’s attention by sleeping with his friends or telling him he needs to work a little harder on stamina. She knows how many shots are too many and hot many is just sexy! She offers to buy her own dinner, opens her own damn doors and often times runs the show emasculating her dates in order to prove her independence. She in general is funnier, smarter and more interesting than the men she meets and tends to let them know, using sarcasm and wit. Men love this! She dates men who she knows are bad for her in a myriad of ways; married men, men in a relationship, men with clearly stated or proven commitment issues, even the occasional criminal. She likes to think of morality as sliding scale based on her desire to do something or someone! You see being a Hot Mess in your thirties is so much more complicated and fucked up than it was when we were younger.


It has been said that admitting you have a problem is half the battle. You may not agree if you become a fan of this blog. We are here to say Hello our names are (well maybe real names wouldn’t be appropriate) and we are Hot Messes!
We know this about ourselves and as often as we talk about ways to fix it we simply can not seem to stop. We are both currently in therapy and no our therapists do not sanction this as a way to break the cycle. Please accept this as our humanitarian effort to stop others from this same fate…..oh and if you don’t have a sense of humor find another blog – this is for people who can laugh at themselves and others and life in general – it’s what keeps us Hot Mess crew from recreating Thelma and Louise!