My Definition of a Hot Mess

In laymen’s terms: An EARLY 30’d Hot Mess is someone that spends her 20’s fucking like Samantha, deeply, actively, and desperately repressing Charlette, and acting like Miranda. If you don’t understand the reference you 1. Are not a woman 2. Are not a gay man or 3. Should not even be reading this.

We can be known as Thelma and Louise, or more appropriate for us, Freddy and Teddy; names we made up for each other out of a joke in high school. Before going anywhere our que for leaving would be, ‘Ready Teddy?’ To which the other would respond, ‘Ready Freddy.’ Which ironically is the same phrase that Dorothy Spornak and her boyfriend (played by Leslie Nielson) in The Golden Girls used as code for ‘we’re gonna have sex.’

Which leads into rule number 1 for being a Hot Mess. You must have a flock of gays. Having a gay by your side allows you to say, ‘Meh, I’m not as fucked up as that queen,’ and more importantly, gives you an expert to discuss BJ technique.

We are Class Clown and the Most Likely to Succeed girls of the class of ’96 who have spent a decade trying to get this right. Through failed relationships, one night stands, being considered the ‘bro’ rather than the ‘ho,’ sabotaging possible relationships, getting with the wrong men while letting the right ones slip away, becoming a professional bridesmaid, and sleeping with women because, meh, I had too much vodka and she said I was hot, we come to this; a blog. A blog that shares the conversations that the sarcastic Southern California blonde and the sassy New Yorker brunette have every time they meet. We own who we are, the mistakes we’ve made, the fact that we are ‘chick flick movie girls’ that hide behind a wall of what we think is strength and independence, and share the experiences of our Hot Mess life.

Welcome to our world…which, if you’re reading this, is probably to some degree your world. If not, whatever, let our pain allow you to be entertained.